Thursday, August 2, 2007


I don’t understand my hesitancy about going before God and ‘laying down’ what is really on my heart.

I have never felt so aware and so sure of His goodness, faithfulness, love, mercy, and His desire to have a personal relationship with me.
I can feel His “tugs” at my heart to come out from my hiding place and into His presence of genuine love yet there are times that a single step in that direction leaves me trembling inside.

I long for the feelings of consistency.

I can so relate to Susan Ashton’s lyrics
“Sometimes I feel like I’m as close as Your shadow and sometimes I feel like I’m looking up at You from the bottom of the Grand Canyon…”

I find comfort that someone else has recorded those words---leaves me hoping that maybe those feelings are just a normal part of our humanity.

I know that He is worthy.

I know that He is capable.
I know that He is willing.

But there are moments I feel as if my very soul has been captured by a sense of fear and shame.
I want God to create in me a willingly obedient spirit that above all desires His will.
I want to be molded into what He has planned for my life.
I want to see what He sees and feel what He feels. I want to, courageously, be able to address any and all issues with the full assurance that He will not allow more than I, through Him, can handle.
I want to repent where/when repentance is necessary and forgive where forgiveness is needed.
I want to allow/accept His healing and follow in the paths He sets before me.

I am fearful of returning to the darkness that threatened my very life but I know He desires to be my Light.

I know that my God is bigger and stronger than ANYTHING Satan puts before me.

I simply have to “hold on to” what I know to be true and trust that I am being “held in everlasting arms.”

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