Monday, September 3, 2007

Holding on to Logic

Today has been hard. I ran the shower and simply sat in the tub and cried. Rationally, I know that this is the effect of the YAZ pill. The doctor actually wrote out what to expect so I wouldn't get discouraged. She assured me that this will be worth it in the long run, but as for the here and now, I am prayerfully having to fight off the fears of returning to the 'darkness'.

I was so looking forward to this 3 day weekend after going non-stop for the past 2 weeks but now I am longing to get back to work and KEEP BUSY. "Down time" simply doesn't suit me well when struggling so. I had an action plan today to thwart off these emotions but just didn't pull it off. I don't want to talk or listen. I want silence and solitude. I want to escape into a laughable movie, a good book or restful sleep. Probably not the most productive use of my time but who said that every moment had to be productive?!

I am feeling way too much, way too deeply. The 5:00 news sent me into a tailspin until I wised up and changed the channel. I will not give into these feelings. I will remember the cause, keep all in proper perspective, and not make any major decisions until running a "rationality test" with those more clear-minded.

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