This past week has been difficult. I have been assured that what I am feeling is "normal" but it is so out of character for me that it leaves me feeling a bit overwhelmed. Losing 2 loved ones within a 3 week time period has, apparently, placed me on the roller-coaster cycle of grief.
I am feeling confused because I have had much loss in my life, in a variety of circumstances, yet have never experienced this depth of emotion. Again, I've been assured that if my reactions/emotions are 'out of the ordinary from my past reactions', then I can rest secure in knowing that it is better than the way I've handled grief in the past. I guess I simply wasn't expecting the means of handling things in a "healthier way" still causing so much pain. This too shall pass...
For those of you pray-ers out there, please remember my dad in your prayers. He and I no longer share a relationship, but he is in my heart and mind daily. I recently found out that he has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. At this point in time, it remains best that I keep my distance, which some of you may understand, adds to the self-imposed feelings of guilt and personal failure. I know that those thoughts are not from God and am battling them moment-by-moment in prayer, Scripture, and dearly loved friends.
A new week has begun and I am praying for wisdom, clarity, and strength.