Monday, May 11, 2009

Gracious Healing Despite the Pain

These past couple of days have been agonizingly painful, yet tenderly healing at the same time. I didn't realize that one could actually feel the heaviness of their own heart. I didn't realize that one could hurt so deeply within that taking a simple breath actually feels painful. By nature, I am pretty much an introvert; I can chit-chat the day away but nothing too personal. I learned to guard my heart long ago.

I have learned that my ways of protection can be sinful, selfish, and at times, blatantly defiant. I am to trust in God. He is my shelter. He is my protector. I am not self-sufficient, much less self-reliant. I can, through Him, wisely choose when and with whom to share the innermost parts of my soul and trust that God will take care of the relationship, the possible consequences and He will take care of me.

I am learning how to trust. I am learning how to be a bit more 'open'. I am learning how to allow myself to feel rather than relying on avoidance, denial and even dishonesty. There are many things, in my past, that I hadn't (until recently) acknowledged much less processed in thoughts or emotions. And that "processing" is far more difficult than I had ever anticipated. No regrets about doing so but wondering if and when the tears of my soul will cease. Weariness has taken on a whole new meaning. I pray that He is listening. I pray that He does heal. I pray that He does not despise. I pray for all those whose hearts feel hurts, far worse, than I can even comprehend.

3 comments:

  1. God does love you, you are His precious daughter, and He hears your cries. He will heal you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear One, He is our strength. He is our peace. He is our comfort. He is our healer. He is our friend. And He is our All in All.

    You have a lovely blog and a beautiful relationship with the Lord. It is so evident by your words and the humility that flows through your writing, along with a steadfast love for God.

    I have been through many, many private moments of pain. It is so difficult. Yes, it is a weary road. But let the good news ring in your heart. The greater the darkenss, the more piercing the light. God is holding your hand on this bleak way, and true to His word, joy will come in the morning.

    May God bless you.

    With Christ's Awesome, Unfailing Love,

    Andrea

    ReplyDelete
  3. There is ALWAYS a bright morning after the darkest night....ALWAYS. He is faithful to complete that which He began in us. Praying hope for you as you chose to set your gaze on Him...I understand not "feeling" it but keep choosing it. He already knows the whole path He is taking you on.

    ReplyDelete