As I sit at the house, alone, today with my sweet pup, Bailey, I feel a deepening change of my attitude and heart. I feel as if God is releasing me from trying so hard to make sense of the past and to place my reliance upon Him for the future. I know that there remains much healing of my soul to be done but a fresh sense of hope is finally breaking between the dark clouds that I've become accustomed to over the past couple of years.
Even though many of the situations remain the same, I now understand that I am not the sole cause of some circumstances nor can I be the redeemer of such. I am, literally, exhausted from all of the "trying" to make things as I would like them to be. I am, relieved, to know that God never expected me to do or to be all the things that I've attempted. My weariness is well-earned but was ultimately un-neccessary and I find that to be relief in and of itself---simply knowing that I don't have to continue down this path nor do I ever have to travel its way again.
God is good, despite the circumstances, situations, and happenings around me, and I am SO thankful that not only is He my God, but He is my Savior, my Guide, my Protector, my Friend.