Saturday, September 19, 2009

Sadness

(Written in July 2009...posted now as a reminder of this journey)


Sadness felt deep within my soul.
Impossible to comprehend the purpose of my life.

Shattered heart, chaotic thoughts.
Frightening dreams. Never-ending days.

Wondering why, wondering how,
Wondering if this will pass.

Been here before, and it did come to pass
But for what? Only to return.

Past seems useless. Present seems overwhelming.
Future seems to be hold nothing but the same.

Reaching out in prayer, crying out in tears.
Comfort only comes in exhausted states of sleep.

Know my life is blessed. Know all could be worse.
Just doesn’t seem to matter, because it’s not what I want.

Difficult in relating. Not sure what to offer.
Made by God for God. Want that to hold more meaning.

Serving Him by serving others. Reaching out to those in need
What may I offer when darkness is this deep?

Felt the goodness. Loved the warmth of light
How it was extinguished I haven’t figured out.

Don’t want to give up, yet so tired of the fight.
Difficult handling events in both the day and night.

Plans to destroy would only pass along the hurt.

Have discovered that running away doesn't work.
But how long can a hurt last. I’ve all but been removed.
I haven’t invested nor risked. I think that pain would end soon.

Selfish desires from a soul so weary and raw.
I know God hears me, but I’m not hearing his response.

Death should not be an option, but I die a bit each day.
No do-able solutions. Must it stay this way?

Act better than I feel. Just do it comes it mind.
Service to others will place my pain aside.

Counseling has taught me many ways to cope.
And brought me into a relationship with the God of Loving Hope.

I know that God does love me. I know that He does care.
I’m ashamed that those facts alone don’t seem to be enough.

I want to be settled. I want to be content.
I want to be of service, but my energy seems all spent.

Revival of the soul has the most appealing sound.
Where must I go… what must I do for this revival to be found?

1 comment:

  1. You have handled the journey beautifully my friend.

    ReplyDelete