I feel like my words have become a broken record but would greatly appreciate any and all prayers. The darkness of depression seems to be getting a stronger and stronger hold on my heart and though I KNOW it is not, my soul feels shattered and though I KNOW I am not, I feel more alone than I've ever felt.
I don't know if the return of this darkness is due to recent medicinal errors, possible hormonal abnormalities, or what the cause may be. I have a doctor's appointment this Thursday to continue counteracting the recent pharmaceutical mistakes and having blood-work and such done to check hormones, etc. I AM SO GRATEFUL that I have the privileges of a doctor's care and the availability of such but at this moment, Thursday seems to be an eternity away!
All of the good-ol'-tricks like exercising to increase endorphin levels, eating more protein, staying busy, getting adequate rest, holding fast to Scipture, listening to encouraging music, etc. do not seem to be helping though I'm sure it's not hurting either.
Thanks, in advance, for the prayers. ---Stacy
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa Terkhurst
Chapter 1: "Trying to be Good Enough"
(direct quotes from the book are noted in red)
Lysa's words in the Introduction on page 11 immediately took hold of my heart: "I want to help women not only know God's truth but also feel equipped to live it out in their everyday lives."
My soul is longing for for more than mind-information; I want heart-transformation. Lysa's past writings have never disappointed and I am looking forward to 'digging deep' in this study.
I found Lysa's words in Part 1 very encouraging: "It has taken me years to truly understand how to pursue God with all my heart." Those closest to me have told me that I'm my own worst critic and to hear from a woman that I truly admire admit that the pursuit is a process rather than something instantaneous was encouraging.
I was so touched by the honesty that Lysa shared about her personal journey of "Trying to be Good Enough". I could so relate to the endless pursuit of attempting to live up to the "labels" that were either assigned to me by others or self-imposed.
I continue to struggle with feeling secure in who I am in Christ and remain in what seems, at times, to be never-ending process of healing from past hurts. I've been religious my entire life but feel as if I only met Jesus 2-3 years ago. The quest of being completely fulfilled my God remains my ultimate goal but accepting God's TRUTHS about who I am rather than staying in the mindset of the long-time-believed flawed perceptions has proven to be harder than I ever imagined.
Without an ounce of arrogance, I can say that my mind holds much Biblical knowledge but allowing that knowledge to seep into the depths of my heart and become BELIEFS is difficult. I want the TRUTHS/PROMISES of God to mean more to me than they do. My faith is weak, my fears are strong and my willingness/ability to trust is slow.
I find myself, continually, sinfully holding tight to my sense of control rather than surrendering all to Christ. I want to be completely satisfied in and because of Christ but it seems I've a long way to go. My prayer is that God will allow/use Lysa's book to lead all of those participating in this study to a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with Him.
I'll close with my soul in complete agreement with Lysa's prayer on page 20. God, will You help me to have a deeper connection with You and find truer fulfillment as You transform every area of my life. That is the cry and desire of my heart...God, I want to see You. God, I want to hear You. God, I want to know You. So that I can follow hard after You every day. For more insights on this chapter, visit Lelia. Be sure and read the comments and follow the links to the other study participants.