Sunday, January 31, 2010

Continuing the Journey

I want so much to believe all that God has promised yet still struggle with so much doubt and uncertainty. If someone else is expressing the things that I am inwardly experiencing, I have the "right answers", the "proper Scriptures", and will faithfully pray for them. But for reasons I can't quite comprehend, I continue to feel as if I am the exception to the rule of God's grace, forgiveness, goodness, mercy and love even though I KNOW that is not true. I know that I am not to base my decisions, etc. on 'feelings' but on the Truths from God. But it can be so difficult at times; especially when the feelings come on so strong---even in the midst of sleep.

A friend recommended that I read and truly study a book by Robert McGee titled Search for Significance. I am praying for the Spirit to guide me to the truths in this book that I so desperately need to grasp hold of. I love my God and I know He loves me but the journey continues to be filled with moments of fear and weary and I know that is not what God intends for me in my relationship with Him.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Part 2: Returning to Blogging w/ Reflections, Renewal, & Rejuvenation

A new year often seems like a fresh start; some say it as if the old has passed away & the new has begun. I love the concept but know, with certainty, that all of the occurrences in 2009 & the years past) are going to need more than a change of date to be reconciled, renewed and healed.

I am so thankful that, through Christ, each and every moment is a time of renewal and restoration. God doesn't work on an earthly time frame, but His timing is perfect. The start of a "new year" sounds full of promises & peace, but peace can only be found through Christ.

Father God,
I thank You for the gift of peace that is mine, only because of what Jesus has done. (Romans 5:1) Thank you for sending Christ at just the right time so that I may rejoice in the wonderful relationship I now have with You. (Romans 5:6, 10, 11) Lord, I praise You for the new life that came through the sacrifice and deliverance of Your Son. (Romans 6: 8, 9, 13)

Father, I thank You for the assurance that even though I grow weary at times; I have comfort & hope in the truth that whatever experiences occur are temporary & that Your Spirit will guide and sustain me. (2 Corinthians 5:2, 5) I thank You for the promises of newness, reconciliation, and restoration that are through Your love, by Christ's actions, rather than any time-table set by man. (2 Corinthians 5:17, 18, 21)

There are many circumstances in this world that break my heart. At times there are (and have been) words and actions that seem to crush my soul. Lord, I pray for the determination and discipline to not focus my mind on those things. Help me to gaze into Your compassionate eyes; to abide in Your loving arms; to fully think of the realities of heaven; & to always remember that my life is now in Christ and through Him, I am more than a conqueror. I am saved, secure, and filled with the presence of Your Spirit. (Colossians 3: 1-4, 10; Romans 8)

Father, I continue to battle with regret, bitterness, anger & hurts from the past, yet I continually feel the healing power of Your love, compassion, & mercy. Help me to rely on those precious gifts from You. Enable me to accept & allow the peace that comes from Christ to rule above all other emotions. (Colossians 3:15) Lord, help me to live each moment, prayerfully, before You with an understanding heart/mind, with an attitude of gratitude, and a mind grounded in Truth. May Your words live in my heart & may all I do and say be a true representation of Jesus & Your glory. (Colossions 3:16, 17)

Through the Blessings of Your Beloved Son, AMEN

Returning to blogging with reflections, renewal & rejuvenation

I woke up this morning thinking about all that has occurred over the past 3 years. Circumstances and situations from late 2008 and through 2009 were weighing upon my heart. Seems that so much has occurred within that time frame.
  • Marcus' untimely death in November '08
  • David's possibly avoidable death in December '08
  • Scare with Doug regarding what thankfully was not a heart attack
  • My sister and her family moving out of town
  • Moderate-injury of my shoulder that caused a lot of aggravation and inconvenience
  • The AMAZING mission trip to Jamaica
  • A successful hosting of "Easter Sunday" with a huge number of family members
  • An enjoyable 1st sleepover at my house with both nephews and my niece
  • Re-connecting with my older sister after years of non-communication
  • Re-discovering old friends via Facebook
  • An ever-increasing deepening of my own relationship with God
  • Marital struggles that seemed inevitably to end badly yet God has blessed us with a sense of renewal and re-commitment
  • My brother, Kevin, being seriously injured while on-duty as a policeman
  • The miraculous births of Chloe, Riddick, Marcus, Sam and Joshua accompanied by the sadness of Joshua's death.
  • Amazing displays of faith exhibited by the following families during times of tragedy, illness, and loss: Turner, Hager, Smithies, Hall, Morrison, Graves, and Nolley.
  • Devastating physical, emotional, and mental repercussions from pharmaceutical/medicinal mistakes that led to deepening depression, a short-term hospitalization, and an extended-leave-of-absence from work due to "SSRI Discontinuation Withdrawal Syndrome"
  • The amazing "virtual friendships" established through blogging with many wonderful people including Carol, Denise, Gail W., Laura, Leila, Liz, Paula, Sande, Sue, and Tina.
  • The opportunity for "closure" with my dad before his expected, though untimely death on Christmas Eve '09 followed by a 'surreal experience' at his memorial services on New Year's Eve.

What a journey it has been. While thinking on these things, God allowed me a supernatural awareness and led me to His Words that have truly enlivened my heart, mind, and soul...now just to get my body to follow :o).

Due to time constraints, I must close for now but looking forward to returning with the blessed insights that God showed me this morning.