Saturday, April 10, 2010
Still reeling from the shock…
of all that has occurred within the past week. What started out as an enjoyable "annual in-law-family get-together" at Easter has turned into something I would have NEVER imagined. There was a minor misunderstanding before this annual event that my husband and I host each year for 70+ of his family members. I was so thankful that a family member called beforehand to "clear the air" so nothing negative was hanging over the annual lunch and egg-hunt. I was under the impression that all been resolved and honestly, hadn't thought any more of the simple misunderstanding before it was brought to my attention by 3 others that another family member was still very upset. I was saddened to hear this and waited until all of the festivities were over before approaching this person and asking to speak privately (one-to-one) in hopes to put this minor issue aside. I am still in shock of how such a simple issue brought about a personal attack that I NEVER saw coming.
Those whom, even remotely, "know" me know that I am among the least confrontational group of people around. My entire life, up until very recently, has been all about keeping peace, regardless of the personal costs, to avoid anyone being hurt/saddened/angered, etc. My approaching this family member was to simply encourage her that if and when I did/said/wrote anything that offended her, that I would appreciate and welcome her coming to me before discussing whatever issue with numerous other family members. By the time this short conversation had ended, I had literally been judged and condemned to hell because I had chosen to "…leave THE Lord's church…" I was hurt by the words that were spoken and unlike me, immediately reacted. I regret and have sought forgiveness for my wounded pride leading me to say some things in anger that could have been handled in a much Godlier manner.
Since that afternoon, several emails have surfaced within the family (addressed as a large group) in which it seems that there are those who truly think that I am going to hell because I no longer attend the congregation that they believe is the "…only, one, TRUE church…"
So much has been said. I've only been able to respond to one accusation, which, unfortunately, fueled the fire to spread through rebuttal and arguments. I have declined to "speak" of the issue any further b/c of the absurdity that such a simple conversation escalated into the presumed "…lost condition of my soul…" For one to come at me with this "concern" in the midst of being confronted about a totally-unrelated issue has led me to believe that this is not/was not a true, genuine, loving, relational 'concern' since not family member had spoken of the "…deep grief that accompanies my eternal separation from God…" until I chose to approach them about a trivial matter that could have and should have been resolved by the act of common courtesy, much less the Biblical principle, to go to a brother 1st about a problem before involving others. There does not seem to be a foreseeable end to this chaos.
I am at peace, in my heart, b/c I know, without a doubt, that I am secure in my walk with God and that my motives were pure though my actions and words were not perfect. But I am heartbroken by the strife this has caused within the family--- especially my husband; he is being 100% supportive of me, yet is in the middle of this "conflict".
Please join me in prayer that this may be resolved soon with God's name being glorified above all. I know that He can use this ugly, prideful, sinful mess for His glory, but in the "waiting" for Him to do so, my husband is being torn in two, anger is escalating, and relationships are breaking down.