Friday, May 7, 2010

Friday Fill-ins #175 we go!

1. Salsa and tortilla chips ALWAYS sound good to me.

2. Hot dogs, hamburgers, fresh made pickles, homemade ice cream and you've even got mustard.

3. By the time I get home, lately, I have been too exhausted to do anything but sit and long for an early bed time.  'Tis common for the last 3 weeks of school.

4. Checking out the fresh produce is what I look forward to most when grocery shopping.

5. And I was dreaming and then PUNCHED the heck out of our wooden headboard; 2nd time in 2 husband is getting concerned about his personal safety as I sleep(!!).

6. This week I had the opportunity to snuggle with a precious newborn baby boy (12 days old) there anything else better?!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hopefully sleeping the entire night through, tomorrow my plans include basic housecleaning, and preparing snacks for Mother's Day and Sunday, I want to spend some special time with my amazing mom and my sweet mother-in-law!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Realizations and repentance...

I should have been home long ago but there is something about the solitude of a school building that is emptied and quiet after an active, lively day.  I have spent the last 1 1/2 reading over blogs and Spiritual sites that bless me in more ways than I could ever express.  Some posts brought smiles to my heart and others tears to my eyes.  I hadn't realized until earlier in the week how I have allowed the current conflict with some of my in-laws to, literally, dominate my thoughts and my time.  There isn't a foreseeable end to the chaos that ensued on Easter Sunday.  I am at peace with God, my husband, and myself but am so saddened that my mother-in-law will be experiencing a 'divided-family' on Mother's Day. 
The family member that is INSISTENT that I have committed apostasy (I had to look up the word) is calling on others in the family to withdraw and confront me as she has regarding the issue of my lost soul since I have turned away from God by failing to worship at "His one true church".  That attitude alone saddens me, as do the words that have been expressed, and the actions that have been taken.
I know that God is right here with me and He is fully capable and willing to 'fight this battle' without any input from me yet I feel helpless because I am, literally out of words that I wish would come and help to possibly alleviate some of the pain that this has caused within this family.

I am also saddened by the ways in which I've allowed this conflict to consume me.  I know Satan is overjoyed that I have withdrawn from those closest to my heart because I fear the brokenness that they may see and I fear that I won't be handle the brokenness of others.  I have neglected relationships in my workplace, in my congregation, in my Bible Study Group, and in the world of blogging b/c I have allowed myself to become so emotionally drained.  I am not, by any means, depressed yet I've done what has always been a sinful, selfish, unhealthy response...remove myself from others so not to be a burden and so not to carry any additional burdens.

Seeing those words in black-n-white make me feel ill.  My God is bigger than I am allowing Him to be.  Jesus has conquered all and made me more than a conqueror and I am so ashamed that I have been living in a state of distrust, fear, and shame.  I repent of such at this very moment and pray that I will allow God to be God and that He will enable me to be who and what He has called me to be. 

Looking forward to catching up with my blogging buddies over the weekend and leaving this and all other burdens in the hands of my Father.