Thursday, December 13, 2012

Blah, blah, blah...

As I sit here thinking about the past year, my heart is filled with gratefulness for the Lord ALWAYS being present in my life---moment by moment, hour-by-hour, day-by-day.  I cannot imagine my life without His love, His mercies, His forgiveness, His grace, His guidance.

Looking back at how relationships have changed---some were lost through death, some were altered by circumstances, some were ended deliberately.  Even though some of those changes were incredibly hard, I remain enormously blessed.  I am amazed at how God truly does weave people in and out of our lives and ultimately He does work it all even though I may not see or understand why at the time.

What I wrote about "freedom" this past February still rings true and I find such peace and comfort in knowing that the Freedom that God offers will always be true.

I miss "my" Jerry so much, it takes my breath away at times.  I hate not knowing where he is, what he is going through, etc. but I do rest in the promises that God's care for that precious young boy is far greater than mine could ever be.  I miss Betty Sue and Pam and find it hard to believe that have not even been gone for a year because it seems so much longer. 

We lost David close to 4 years ago and his loss seems so far off and yet achingly close-by.  I still find myself in tear when attempting to talk about him.  A type of grief that I don't fully understand much less able to explain.  I think of him every single day and would give anything for one last hug.

I've been home the past 2 days with a debilitating headache accompanied by 'dark moments' but not near as 'dark' as in times past.

I am excited about the road I'm on towards emotional/mental, physical, and spiritual healing.  Tomorrow is my 42nd birthday and marks a new resolve within myself to get further balance in my life.

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