I think I am FINALLY hearing the advice given.
* I MUST stop worrying about the marriage or divorce and simply focus on me while allowing husband to focus on himself.
* I will most likely have to move in August but that doesn't mean that I have to file for divorce at that time unless husband shows that he is not willing to work with me financially. If that is the case AT THAT TIME, I can make decisions then.
* I am NOT responsible for husband at this point in time. (Question remains in my head: Am I ever truly responsible for him?)
* This may change but NOW is not the time to fight for the marriage. That time may never come. I am 99.9% that 'that time' has come and gone. BUT, regardless, I WILL BE OKAY provided that I take this time now to take care of me.
* Taking care of me is not horribly selfish and does not mean that I am being an unforgiving B.
* It is OKAY to breathe freely right now without the self-induced guilt and shame.
* I am filled with anger, that I've mainly turned inward. Time to deal with that anger, place it in proper perspective and figure out how to let it go.
Maybe I should have these decorated in calligraphy and hang on my mirrors, door posts, walls, etc.
Praying that these 'revelations' are TRUTH and if so, that The Lord will keep these truths ever present in my mind and heart.