(Friday, April 11, 2014)
I can't believe that I have been in this area since summer of 1994 and am just now seeing this infamous lookout. A BEAUTIFUL view that reminds me of the beauty of Arkansas.
Today has been an emotionally topsy-turvy day. I made a choice earlier and the ability to do so with a clear mind was incredibly relieving. That sense of relief carried me through the day along with encouragement and support from Michelle and Amy.
When the school day ended, I felt as if I had been punched in the gut. The realization that I wasn't headed "home" for the weekend took my breath away and it took every ounce of self-control to not fall onto the floor sobbing. Home as I knew it will never be the same. I don't fully understand what that means even though I do believe it is a good thing.
As I lay here looking up at the clear blue sky with the warmth of the sun on my back and the sounds of a breeze in the grass and trees, I feel a sense of peace in knowing that God can clear away my clutter as He has cleared the skies. He will clear all of this and create something worthy; I just wish I knew how and when.
I know the journey ahead of me won't be easy but I know that God has His hand on me. He is the one who created the beauties of all that surrounds me. He can bring about something beautiful in spite of all this ugliness.