Thursday, May 1, 2014

A Bundle of Nerves...

I am longing for normalcy.  I'm not sure what my "new normal" will be but this waiting for whatever is to come is difficult for one who likes to plan so far ahead.  Desparately and prayerfully trying to grasp the Godly concept of "BE STILL..."  

I am walking right along feeling secure in the situation with the assurance that I am following God's Will then within moments, my mind is racing along with my heartbeat as I feel an attack of "what if..." thoughts cascade through my soul.

I turned in my letter of resignation this morning. Thankfully, I was simply able to drop it in the appropriate mail slots because both the principal and superintendent were off campus today.  They are kind, compassionate people but I'm doubly thankful that I was able to do so without an emotional reaction on either side. I've developed a simple daily chart to tackle the sorting through and packing up of 18+ years of teaching materials.  I am in continual prayer that these few remaining weeks of school will rush by.  My nerves are shot.

I miss my friend.  I know the right decisions were made concerning contact but regardless of such, the missing remains.

I am spending the evening cheering on some of my classroom kiddos at their T-ball games.  Being with the classroom families, outside of the classroom, has always been so enjoyable.  I am praying that God will open the doors one day so that I may teach again.  I can't imagine doing anything else career-wise but I will do whatever He is calling me to do.

I took my students to visit the kindergarten classrooms while the kindergarten students were on  a field trip.  Their looks of excitement and anticipation make my heart swell with joy.  I am clinging to these moments of joy because the moments of feeling such loss take my very breath away. 

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