Thursday, May 1, 2014

Baby steps...

This week has been hard. The realization after 18 years in my respective ISD coming to a close has been bittersweet. My heart breaks when I think about how I won't have the opportunity to see "my kiddos" grow up from grade to grade. As grieving as that is, I know, with certainty, that God has His hand on all things.

I went out to the house today and finished packing up my essential belongings. There are things left in the house that I would like to have but now just didn't seem the time. I'll be living in another's home for a while so there's not a need for decorative items and keepsakes. If I end up losing what I left behind...it's all just "stuff". The memories those items invoke are tucked safely in my heart.

The weather was absolutely gorgeous today and it was so nice to spend some time with my fur-babies. I'm thankful that they are being well taken care of despite the situation though I miss those goofy lil dogs like crazy!

I will be staying where I currently am through most of the summer so that I can continue the personal counseling that has already proven to be so beneficial.  My mom will be leaving for Brownwood in June but the rent here is paid thru the end of July so that gives me time to close things out efficiently.

A new beginning is an exciting and scary concept but as each day passes, I feel more and more at peace with the circumstances being as they are. I didn't realize the implications of the state of Texas not offering the option of "legal separation"  until today so I'll have to soon make decisions based on that fact alone.

I've decided to go to my sister's when the apartment lease is up and search for a job in that immediate area. Her home and town have long since felt more like home than true home actually did so I'm looking forward to that through the anxiety around such. That will allow a safe, supportive environment as I get back on solid ground and continue in the healing process.

Despite the beauty of the day, my heart aches for all of those affected by the horrifying tornadoes and flash floods. I cannot even imagine what those families are going through and am in continual prayer for those who suffered such loss. I also pray for those who are caring for those in need. One can't be that close to such tragedy and not be changed by it.

Grateful for the allowance of one foot in front if the other rather than a giant leap into the unknown. Slow and steady seems to be the pace to keep right now.

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