Yesterday was an "interesting day". I am so thankful for supportive, encouraging, comforting, prayerful friends who are willing to share in the smiles and the tears of daily life. Turning in my resignation was more difficult than I had thought it would be. I never imagined that to do so would be easy but I wasn't expecting the weight of grief that struck once those envelopes were no longer in my position. I am so thankful for Susan, Tracy, Dana, and Missy. Their thoughtfulness, hugs shared tears and laughter brought joy and comfort to a most uncomfortable situation.
I tried once again to 'get through' to husband for the sake of his clarity and ended up so angry and ridiculously aggravated. The counselor gave me a 'checklist' last week to look for in his conversations and responses. I shouldn't have been but truly was SHOCKED that all she said did prove to be sure (though I almost missed some of the subtle innuendos). I am through talking about the situation in specifics. At this point, it does nothing but add fuel to the flame. We could spend the next 18 years pointing out one specific after another of areas in which we both failed in this relationship but doing so isn't accomplishing anything productive so I am choosing to stop.
I am meeting with a friend who is also a lawyer next week and have already begun to pack. I also bought a book on what to reasonably expect in the process of a divorce (emotionally, physically, financially, legally, etc.) Praying that all of this doesn't get ugly. Surely we are capable of getting through what is to come with no unnecessary drama. I have a feeling I will hear more from him this weekend. I remain in awe of what he cannot "see" but apparently, that's simply the common tactics of someone struggling with an addiction.
I loved the words that Lysa TerKeurst with the Proverbs 31 Ministry: "Sometimes relationships grow stronger through conflict. But other times relationships end. Because I can't control the other person, I must keep focusing on the good God is working out in me thorough this and leave the outcome with Him". AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!