Today has been a thought-provoking, blessing-counting kind of day. School has been out for a week and I finally feel caught up physically. It's crazy how much I have slept in the past 7 days but it feels good to be feeling good. I was just flat worn out. My poor mom's apartment looks like a warehouse with all my classroom belongings and her already-packed moving boxes. Smells very card-boardy around here;).
I felt such unexpected relief when turning in my keys after 18 years of employment. Very hard saying goodbye to my current and previous students but the amazing sense of relief led me to be certain that it was time. I definitely won't miss the crap-drama that so frequently surfaced over the past 5-6 years.
The turning in applications and updating resume have been far more time-consuming than I imagined but it's coming along at a good pace. I'm applying for exact-desired positions in this area while applying more generally in the area where my sister lives. Simply praying that God will enable me to see which doors He's opening.
I'm meeting with hubby tomorrow to help prepare the house for the upcoming appraisal. He has refinanced the house and all debt where I will only be responsible for my student loan repayment. I'll sign a deed of trust at the closing for "my part" of the house if and when he chooses to sell. Some think I'm being foolish to do such but I don't see the point in inflicting any more hurt or inconvenience. I am okay with starting over---God has always provided me with what I've needed. I would rather have the burden of debt(s) removed than the state's proposed 50/50 split. I'm so grateful that he and I have managed to be most amicable about all of this.
No divorce proceedings in the works but we both realize the likelihood of such. Time will tell, I suppose. A lot of emotions still hanging over both of us but waiting to get this house business taken care of before deciding on the feasibility of marriage counseling. Of course, that will be a much more difficult procedure should I move out of the area. Praying desperately that I will end up exactly where God wants me to be. Once again, asking that He will allow me the ability to clearly discern His will.
Right now, it's still day-by-day. Thankful to have moved beyond the moment-by-moment process which included reminding myself to breathe. I know God has a plan but I sure wish I knew what it was. Reminding myself: that's what faith is for.
I am seeing myself and the situations at hand with much more clarity and am so very appreciative of the friends and family that are upholding me in prayer and close to their heart. Truly blessed. Looking forward to a laid-back week, getting together with some precious ladies for lunch and spending a couple of days with my niece and one of my nephews this week.
Yay for summer 2014!! I was beginning to think you'd never arrive!