Saturday, June 21, 2014

It's officially summer!!

Finding it hard to believe that it is already June 21st. I'm amazed at how very slooow the school year went and how the time since the ending of school has flown by!! Dear Summer Break: PLEASE slow down!

My brother came to town last night and he and I packed up our mom's first load for her upcoming move. I only have one month to decide what direction my life will take next. Husband and I are meeting Monday to close on the house refinance. This will allow him to stay in the house and allow me to be debt-free except for my student loan. Not looking forward to that meeting but will be glad when that is behind us. I am tired of the tears that catch me off guard at the least expected times. All part of the grieving process but not fun. At all!

I have 4 more applications to complete then the job search is simply a waiting game. I applied to so many places simply based on mileage to family and friends so that I'll have the oft recommended support team during this time of huge transition. I turned down an interview in Breckenridge because it wasn't a preferred grade level. I turned down an interview in Killeen/Fort Hood area because it was farther than I realized. Great potential opportunities in Killeen but simply too far right now. I would have been all alone---just not advisable at this time of life. I seriously considered a proposed interview in Ballinger but the crime rate statistics steered me away for now. I am thankful for the blessing of being able to be selective about employment. At the worst, I'll stay with my sister and her family and sub in that area why entering the time of healing and full transition.

I have an interview in Eastland on Tuesday. The principal and I have already talked on the phone and that was an easy, enjoyable conversation. I liked what I could see online about the town and the school. My mom and younger sister would be about an hour away. My brother and older sister about 2 1/2 hours away. Lifelong friends are within a two hour time frame and returning to Tyler either for marital counseling or divorce proceedings won't be excessively difficult.

I am weary of this limbo status in marriage and career but want to be certain that I'm following where  God is leading so I'll continue to 'be still' until I am more clearly able to discern His will.

Looking forward to a couple of days alone. My mom is absolutely fabulous and I am so blessed that she has been and is okay with me staying here but being together 24/7 is a little tough on my introverted self ;). My to-do list while she is gone is ridiculous but I'll simply do what I can and be grateful for the time.

I met with a different counselor this past week and she seemed like a really good fit. We had a great 1st talk. I was amazed at how much I shared and how easily the information came forth. Felt weird but relieving. I'm tired of hiding and living in a way that seems so contrary to my hopes and dreams. At this point in time, there is nothing to lose by being totally upfront and honest. I'm more than ready to start living in a way that is real and authentic. Scary, scary but way past time!

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