Sunday, July 20, 2014

Relying on Hope

I am so not okay but I know that I will be and that truly does make all of the difference in the world.  Having hope for better things is so much better than the feelings associated with troublesome times over the past several years. This is by far the most difficult time I've ever experienced, outside of feeling suicidal for an extended amount of time but I can so clearly see God's help along this road that the regrets are minimal even though the grief is great.

All services have been connected/installed at the new house except for Atmos Gas and Dish Network but both are scheduled for the 28th. Appointments are made for the week, help with packing all set up and the friends helping with the move are planned and confirmed.

The fresh start is exciting but the endings are so bittersweet. I still feel like I'm living someone else's life. A mixture of grief, anger and frustration seem to happen without rhyme or reason. All who've traveled this road assure me that is simply part of the healing process. Praying that healing will occur at a faster pace and especially thankful that there are many moments of peace and joy in between the staggering moments of sadness.

A long-time friend had a birthday this week. In recent months, I'd imagined sharing some part of that special day but circumstances prevented me from being able to even share a "Happy Birthday" wish. Simply made my heart sad. The sadness deepened when I was walking through Brookshires that day and a song from Restless Heart played over their intercom system. The realization of the song sent me to the store restroom in tears. Guess it's good to know that the store employees are caring people but!!---embarrassing. If by chance, this friend reads these words, I hope they know they remain in my thoughts and prayers and will forever be in my heart.

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