Wednesday, August 13, 2014

A Simple Question

People keep asking me if I am okay.
Sounds like a fairly simple question but the true answer is far more complicated.
Most receive the obligatory "I'm fine" response for lack of energy, time, or maybe simply because of the lack of a close relationship.

Am I okay?
No.
I've just left the life I've known for the past 17 years.
I've left the town that was my home for 19 years.
I've left the job I've had for 18 years.
I've lost the relationship with the man that should have been my best friend for life.
I've lost his side of the family; many of whom I hold so dear to my heart.
I've lost the daily interaction with co-workers, many that I considered close friends.
I've left my house, most of my personal belongings and my 2 puppy loves.

I'm heartbroken.
I'm grief-stricken.
I'm fearful.
I'm exhausted.
I'm confused.
I am flat worn out and filled with the questions regarding when this time of transition will be over.
I am having a lot of difficulty in envisioning plans beyond the day at hand.
I am literally living moment-by-moment with frequent reminders to just keep breathing.
My sleep is erratic.
My energy is diminished.
My appetite is unpredictable.
My tears fall daily.
I feel crushed and shattered in so many ways.

Will I be okay?
MOST DEFINITELY!
I have a loving Heavenly Father who will always have my best interest in the forefront of His heart.
I have been blessed with a loving family who have been nothing short of miraculous in their love and support.
I have the privilege of true friends who have carried me through this agonizing time with their emotional support, monetary help, prayerful guidance and even their personal time and physical energies.
I have been blessed in amazing ways with a new job and fabulous co-workers that I know, without a doubt, God provided.
I am comfortable in a new-to-me house in a safe neighborhood.
I am keeping company with my newest puppy love, Phoebe, and her presence has been incredibly comforting.
I'm filled with more hope than I've felt in at least past the 8 years.
I'm excited about the potential opportunities ahead.
I feel a sense of strength I've never known amidst the feeling of being unbelievably broken.

So, am I okay?

No, not really but I know that I will be.
For that alone, I am grateful.
And in this moment, knowing that is enough.

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