Monday, September 8, 2014

Crash and Burn

Beautiful day outside! Wishing I could feel that sense of beauty within. As I read some of the book of Psalms last night, many of the words David penned long ago became a personal heartfelt prayer. Praying that God will redeem these ashes that have become my life and truly create something beautiful.

Right now, I simply feel like a smoldering pile of ash in fear of easily being blown away in the wind. In the midst of reading and praying, the tears did begin. If tears truly do cleanse the soul, my soul should be spotlessly clean. And the end of tears doesn't seem near. Sigh is an understatement. The combination of congestion, crying and flat-out exhaustion has resulted in a day off of work, complete with swollen eyes, upset stomach, and more questions than answers.

Holding fast to the assurances made and proclaimed promises kept.
I'm not lost in the darkness---not even remotely close yet I wonder if I'll always fear being consumed by such.
That fear is irrational. I know so much more now and know so much better.
There is an action plan just in case.
I am not without hope.
What wouldn't I give to be without this sweltering sense of sadness.

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