Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Counting Blessings

Enough is enough!
I may not be able to control the nearness of tears but I can and will control my thoughts!!

My heart IS broken.
So many trusts ARE shattered.
I have lost a large portion of a life I've known for a long time.
I'm grieving the loss of...
  • my marriage
  • my in-laws
  • the town I've lived in for close to 20 years
  • a job I once loved
  • students I had hoped to watch grow up
  • co-workers that I cared deeply for
  • friends I loved
  • my neighborhood and my previous neighbors
  • my home
  • the majority of my personal belongings
  • a lifestyle to which I was accustomed
  • financial security
  • the regular relationships I shared with fellow-believers
  • my much-loved pups
  • the man I had so hoped would be my best friend.

I'm grieving dreams that won't become reality.
I'm grieving a relationship that isn't even mine to grieve but grief I feel.
I've lost the relationships with caring health professionals.

I literally have to remind myself to breathe on a daily basis when the sadness presents itself in sobs and intense moments of panic and anxiety.

The darkness of night is the worse which is ironic for one who has always thrived at being a night owl.
Sleep is frequently impossible.

BUT I am grateful for the beauty of each morning; especially when it seems nearly impossible to face another day.

I am grateful for my family who have steadfastly stood beside me.
I am grateful for the friends who have shown their faithfulness.
I am grateful for my new job.
I am grateful for my wonderfully kind co-workers.
I am grateful for the precious students who have been entrusted to my care.
I am thankful for the medications that have helped significantly with all of the recent drama.
I am thankful for the new opportunities.
I am thankful for the privilege of joining a small group of women each week for Bible Study and prayer.
I am thankful that ALL of my daily provisions ARE being met.
I'm thankful for a safe house and a trustworthy landlord.
I am thankful for my two new puppy-loves.
I am thankful for the presence, power, love, and mercies of God.

I used to keep a journal of daily gratitude, in which I focused on 5 special "things" of that particular day.

I am not denying my grief but I will NOT be consumed by such.

Today, I am especially grateful for:
1. Jenny's willingness to drive us to San Angelo for the workshop. My physical fatigue would have made for a dangerous drive.
2. My teaching-assistant and her capable, loving care for our students in my absence.
3. The substitute who treats the children with kindness and respect.
4. My sister's willingness to run an errand for me that I failed to do in a timely manner.
5. The convenience of Dollar General stores for a quick trip for necessary items.
6. The time spent in getting to become better acquainted with Jenny, Loma, Angie, Serena, and Kathy.
7. The opportunity to meet Krissy, who is not only a district co-worker but also a down the street neighbor.
8. The power of music to calm and lift my spirit.


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