Sunday, November 16, 2014

Effects of an Afternoon Nap

Hmmpppfff.
The much-enjoyed Sunday afternoon nap is messing with my ability to sleep tonight.
I must get on some sort of regular routine.

Hard to believe that it actually snowed and stuck to the ground this evening. I don't mind the cold weather. My main weather love is SUNSHINE, regardless of the temperature. A day of gray skies is alright with me but more than a day or two, I am yearning for sun. I was amused by several decking their homes out today for Christmas because of the cold day. (Poor lil' Thanksgiving Turkey gets no respect.)

I have one more trip for the remainder of my things in Tyler. Most of which is my Christmas decor and the extra washing machine. I'm debating on renting a small uhaul. If I had to do this move all over again, I would've rented the biggest truck available and been done. I am dreading going back out to the house. Not so much because of whatever memories, I just hate to see Bailey and Bela again and then walk away. Seems cold-hearted that it's been harder for me to let go of "my dogs" than my marriage but that in itself speaks volumes. Husband's attitude about keeping the dogs sealed the deal.

I thought about returning the Wednesday before Thanksgiving but still uncertain. Sheryl said that she would go with me. I keep praying about the decision but remain unsure.

I'm thankful for Linda's guidance in helping secure a lawyer and following through with the next steps. I so wish this was already over but I didn't feel comfortable leaving husband in a financial bind. He's had close to 8 months to get whatever in order. I just hope I didn't shoot myself in the foot by allowing the refi back in June.

I am not responsible for his hardships.
I am not responsible for his hardships...
I am not responsible....
Hoping the repetition of such will sink in.

Outside of the lack of my physical presence, his life hasn't changed much at all. I left the house as it was. Only took duplicate kitchen items and 4 pieces of furniture. I'm the one who has done all of the changing and adjustment. That was my choice and I've no regrets about such except for the dogs. So in that fact alone, I shouldn't be so hesitant about doing what I NEED to be done simply because of not wanting to cause him any upheaval.
Always the care-taker...Grrrrrr!!!
A habit that is obviously dying hard.

Now that I've lived in Brown County for 90 days, I can do all of the legal filing here. That's a huge relief because driving to and from Tyler was simply un-doable because of my work schedule and lack of days allowed off.

I've been told that it takes a minimum of 60 days from filing before a judge will even see the paperwork. Beginning a new year with that chapter closed would have been ideal but...all will occur in its right time.

When all of this began, I was fine with simply leaving all behind and beginning again. Now that some time has passed, my expectations have changed. I am so thankful that God has provided for my every need when I was literally down to nothing.

But with the distance of time and emotion, I realize it is not "selfish, mean, etc." of me to expect the sale of OUR home and to gain whatever financial assets are reasonable.

One day at a time...

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