Wednesday, December 10, 2014

90 to Nothing

Finding it hard to sleep tonight but that's not based on anything bad. My mind is simply going ninety to nothing with plans, ideas, hopes, dreams, etc.

I am feeling the freedom of what others had promised would come to pass. God has lovingly removed "blinders from my eyes" and has allowed me to see things in a way I never imagined. I am beyond grateful to know that I can have full trust in Him for a fulfilling future on whatever path He has prepared.

I am so looking forward to the holiday break. I am planning to return to the Tyler area to spend some time with a treasured friend who is in the midst of unexpected grief. I had considered going there this coming weekend but it's simply not financially feasible or job-wise responsible. I know she understands and I know that there are many by her side right now. I've decided to not stay directly in Tyler, over the holiday break, unless I'm able to stay at Peggy's apartment while she is away for the holidays. I'm REALLY looking forward to some "me time" on the road and with few responsibilities. Each break in the 2013-14 school year was spent in care-taking situational roles and this past summer was a blur. I've decided to skip the traditions of Christmas this year and simply focus on the blessings of friends and family without all of the holiday engagements, performances, etc. I may even take a trip up to Oklahoma for some fun with the Agee's.

My side of the family will be meeting in Greenville this year at my brother's house. Mixed feelings about that. Greenville is not one of my favorite places but it will be nice to spend time with the twins along with getting to see Keith & Vickie, Coralee and possibly my sister, Teresa.

I started 3 different books within this past semester that I was asked to blog about but the opportunities to do so weren't as easy as I thought they would be time-wise. Too much going on with limited emotional energies. Hoping to at least get two of those read.

Now that the divorce process is on it's way, a sense of peace has come in knowing that the right choices have been made and the end of the 'drama' is drawing near. Having a lawyer deal with all of the details will be money well-spent. The manipulations in simple written correspondence are blatantly obvious and it's nice to simply say: okay, everything is negotiable---just talk it through with my lawyer.

The doors that have opened and the opportunities that have occurred are so clearly from God, that I truly have no worries about whatever the outcome will be. Regardless of whatever happens, I know that I am much-loved and will forever be taken care of. Simply looking around my house tonight and taking note of just the material provisions that I've been blessed with makes it hard to believe that I began here with only an inflatable mattress, a borrowed microwave and a rocking chair. Takes my breath away in awe and gratitude.

Excited about the life ahead and whatever experiences God allows to occur.

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