Sunday, March 8, 2015

Nice start to "Spring Break"

Today has been a wonderfully relaxing declared "pajama day". I have done absolutely nothing but watch TV and play with the dogs. Perfect start to what I hope will be a productive yet restful "Spring Break". 

The only solid plans are to drive into DFW to spend the day and possibly night with Leslie. I'm sure that something fun will include Kaed and Rhyder but I'm not sure what or when. Also, hoping to have the opportunity to visit with Diane, Amber and Andrea during the week. And of course, some time will have to be spent up in my classroom so to finish this semester as well as I can. 

I was disappointed that the plans to go to Searcy to meet up with a friend that lives in the NorthEast had to be cancelled but was probably for the best. It's strange to me how the place I lived for the shortest amount of time in my life is the place that seems more like home. I'm assuming that is due to my time there was the first time I wasn't identified as Doug's daughter and I could simply be my self there which was flat out dangerous while in Greenville and not well received in Tyler. I also know that had I met Jenny there, it would have been hard to be there knowing that I couldn't see TLS. 

My list of wanna-do-things over the break is surprisingly long. My mom is coming over tomorrow after church to help me with the house. The neighbors grandson is taking care of the yard as soon as weather permits. I'll take my car in for an oil change on Monday after the delivery of my new bed. YAY!!! I will never again take a night of comfortable sleep for granted. I'm so grateful that my mom had the trundle bed for me to borrow for the past several months. Though it is uncomfortable, it was far better than a pallet on the floor and an inflatable mattress. I am so excited to have a bed that I won't fall out of on a regular basis(!!!). The house is beginning to look like and feel like a "real home".

I will also be meeting with my lawyer. SURELY this tedious business is almost over. Husband's last email caused some sort of significant break emotionally (in a good way). I no longer feel guilty or self-condemning. I don't want to purposely hurt him in any way but I no longer care if he likes or approves of me or my choices. The continuous manipulations now seem so clear. What an unexpected freedom! I would love to be married again one day but I will never allow anyone, other than God, to have that much power/control over me again. The first 19 years of my life with my dad and the past last 19 with husband DID teach me some things. 

"I am worth it" is embedding itself deeper than I ever thought possible and I feel so incredibly blessed. 

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