Friday, July 10, 2015

Dear Summer Break: Please Slow Down!

It was near this time last year that my friend, Amber, assured me that I would one day have a true sense of peace in my heart despite all of the chaos, upheaval and grief. I clearly remember crying out in prayer that God would allow that to be true.

A definite shift has occurred in the past 3 weeks. A confidence is building and it's not an arrogant sort of self-confidence. It's more like a feeling of acceptance and honest expectations. I'm realizing what is true and wondering why I didn't see some truths so much sooner than I did.

The sense of fearfulness has greatly diminished. I know, without a doubt, that God is taking care of me. I realize that I never had as much control as I once imagined.

I'm at peace with the people I care about because of knowing that what needed to be said or done has been said and done. I'm alright with each new day being a new gift and potential adventure. And I'm excited to see what God has in store for the future while wondering if His plans look even remotely like what I am able to imagine.

I am interviewed out but I've enjoyed each one and have met some kind and interesting people. There are 3 strong potential places of employment. One place more so than the others but I won't be an official hire until School Board approves. I have really enjoyed and been in awe of how God has moved me through each of these meetings with a sense of peace, confidence and self-disclosure.

My summer plans haven't gone as I had planned but traveling and such just isn't feasible on my current budget.

I can't believe it is almost July 11th again. It was 28 years ago that day that we lost Elaine much more quickly than anyone anticipated. At this time on July 10th, I was reeling from the shock of Kelly's car accident and death and the very next evening, we were helping Elaine's family gather their personal belongings from the Ronald McDonald House and making our way back to Greenville. Each moment of that evening remains so clear in my mind's eye. The days to follow are beyond murky with having to deal with Kelly's sudden death and Elaine's lost battle. Corey's memorial service is truly nothing but a hazy remembrance. Worse.Summer.Ever!

Unexpected changes on the legal front. At least, they were unexpected to me. My lawyer isn't the least bit surprised and for that I am grateful.

My teenage nephew has been in my thoughts and prayers continually as he continues to fight against a high fever and pneaumonia. My heart also goes out to those affected by the torrential downpour of rain that led to serious flash flood issues. My heart breaks for the Veteran who is still missing. The community and surrounding towns really pulled together and the presence of Camp Bowie soldiers was truly felt.

After a rather eventful week, I'm looking forward to a routine task weekend and attending worship services on Sunday. It's been way too long.

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